Wednesday, January 28, 2015

This business of adult children

It's been 5 years now.

Since I became a "new" mom to an adult child.

Now I have 3 ...They are 23, 22 and 18. All boys.

When I was younger, in my early 20's, when I had 2 small children and a 3rd on the way. I was constantly elated about being a mother. I would be in horror and shock when a mother would speak words of annoyance towards her children... How could she? I was still elated after birthing my 4th and then finally my 5th child. Being a mother rocks! Right? It did, all the time. Then.

I would also think about the people that I knew with children leaving home, I would think "How do they handle it? How do they let their children go?"

Then.

My beautiful and perfect children became teenagers.

Then. I knew. 

I knew that I would have no problems with my children flying out of the nest, in fact... I might push a couple out!! :)


But recently... I feel like I have just been given this new "Mom thing" to do all over again.
See... I had this whole mom situation down, or at least I thought I did. I only threatened to sell my children when they were really naughty (I'm so kidding people), but the truth is, for me, being the mom of 5 children was perfect.

In fact two are still young, My 13 year old boy and my 10 year old girl. Lord knows they have seen more arguing and craziness in their lives, more than my grown children ever did. Because well... They have had to live with their siblings going through their teens. That's never argument free, I don't care what family you come from! Teens are going to argue with you from time to time.

It was so hard for me when my first one left home, but he left and was GONE. He's in the military, I cried a lot. And when he didn't put me first once he left home... I made an ass out of myself a time or two. Acting like a spoiled brat and saying things I regretted later. It did give me a reality check though. I was no longer number one. In fact, I don't even place very high up on his list any more. I know he loves me, but he has his wife, his own home... his friends.... his career.


It's hard.

And harder still? 
Trying to figure out and knowing your place as a mom, in your adult childs life. 

As they pull away from me (as they should) in order to gain their independence and find their place in the World, I'm left wondering, if I'm a friend or a mom? Sometimes, they look at me, as if I'm completely clueless. They don't mind telling me either! (Even though their father, somehow, manages to walk on water!).

I know they don't need mothering any longer. But I AM their mother. 
I never had my heart broken by one of my children, until they were adults.
As a mom, where my children are concerned, my heart heals quickly. I think that's how God made moms.



Right now, we are all in a place, where we are working out where we are in the hierarchy of family. That's a lie. There is no hierarchy! Though I do have to often remind my adult boys, when they get cocky, that I AM still their mother, and adults or not, there is a certain respect I deserve.

Honestly though, I don't place high in their lives anymore. 
Raising children is easy... babies, toddlers, adolescence, pre-teens.. that's not the hard part.

Being a brand new mom to adult children. That's the hard part!
For me, anyway.

It's in my nature to always find the positive. And my positive is this...
Though I struggle now because my men children have their own lives. 
I can look forward to watching them become, who they are meant to be.
I get to enjoy watching them flourish in life, as they become educated, have careers, fall in love, buy homes, get married and eventually have children. 


So maybe in writing this, I have worked out my place now.

It's to just sit back, and enjoy them!

I don't need a psychiatrist. I have my blog :)

Much love to you and I hope you have a great upcoming weekend!
Tammy x

4 comments:

  1. Most mums get it right most of the time and I'm sure you do. You're very brave - I couldn't begin to discuss my shortcomings as a dad! I like children - but couldn't eat a whole one. And I did hear that it was good to hire a teenager, because they know everything...

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  2. Tammy your a great Mom. You care about your kids and they know it. I think once they are out on their own, it's hard for us we have to cut the apron strings. But I think if your children know your there if they need you that's all that matters.
    Ali xx

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  3. Motherhood is definitely one of the most difficult things I've ever done. At the same time, the most rewarding!! Gotta love our kids, unconditionally! Even if we do want to slap them silly sometimes!! ;)

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  4. Really interesting post...I found myself thinking of my own parents and how hard it must be for them that I am here in Canada. I would hate to break my Ma's heart!

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Thank you for your positive comments!